Who Am I?
What makes up a person? Who am I, at my core? Well, no one. Me plus nothing is…no one. Human beings are a math equation:
Me * x = Real Me
In this equation, x represents whomever you are with in that particular moment. The equation is also multiplication, because if you are with say, your spouse 25% of the time, coworkers 25% of the time, and by yourself the other 50% of the time, then this particular cocktail is what equals “Real Me”.
Consider our behavior around the varying substitutions of x. This is an interesting thought experiment. Fill in the blank, but substitute “x” a few different times. Remember, evaluating these things when you are with yourself is of value, also.
When I’m with “x”,
what do I laugh at?
what makes me mad?
what do I like to listen to?
what do I like to watch?
how much do I curse?
what do I like to talk about/not like to talk about?
am I more serious or light hearted?
how much do I talk versus how much do they talk?
do I lie, and to what degree?
how self conscious am I? Of what?
This list could go on and on, but you get the point. You typically aren’t going to want to watch the same movies with your parents that you would by yourself, you won’t make the same jokes with your coworkers as you would with your friends at dinner or even in your own head, and you’ll probably be a little more relaxed around your spouse than say, your dentist.
I’ve often heard of someone “trying to find themselves” or having an identity crisis, and now I think I can actually piece together what that means in reality. Since it’s an almost indisputable fact that we are all slightly different people based on whom we are around or by ourselves, the larger the deviation between those differences, the more likely someone is having an identity crisis. If the “you” changes wildly based on “x”, you likely don’t have a very good grasp of what the Real You looks like. The deviation may even get so large that the Real You almost ceases to exist entirely.
But, let’s say that you’ve narrowed down your list of the x’s in your life to where the standard deviation of Real You is relatively small. You can solve for Real You with 98% certainty, no matter who is x. Ok - great. But then comes the much harder question - do you like Real You?
Whenever there is a funeral, and sadly I’ve been to some lately, this phenomenon is so interesting. People will tell stories and share memories, but oftentimes, unless you were there, you might be feeling like, “well, that’s not the person I knew!” The reality is that the standard deviation for Real You, for most of us, is far too high. Or, maybe we’ve settled on a version of Real Me that, while it’s relatively consistent across the variables, it’s just not all that interesting. Or even worse, it’s kind of a shitty person.